DOS Beer: Requires you to use your own can opener and to read the directions carefully before opening the can. Originally only came in an 8-oz. can, but now comes in a 16-oz. can. However, the can is divided into 8 compartments of 2 oz. each, which have to be accessed separately. Soon to be discontinued, although a lot of people are going to keep drinking it after it's no longer available.

Mac Beer: At first, came only a 16-oz. can, but now comes in a 32-oz. can. Considered by many to be a "light" beer. All the cans look identical. When you take one from the fridge, it opens itself. The ingredients list is not on the can. If you call to ask about the ingredients, you are told that "you don't need to know." A notice on the side reminds you to drag your empties to the trashcan.

Windows 3.1 Beer: The world's most popular. Comes in a 16-oz. can that looks a lot like Mac Beer's. Requires that you already own a DOS Beer. Claims that it allows you to drink several DOS Beers simultaneously, but in reality you can only drink a few of them, very slowly, especially slowly if you are drinking the Windows Beer at the same time. Sometimes, for apparently no reason, a can of Windows Beer will explode when you open it.

OS/2 Beer: Comes in a 32-oz can. Does allow you to drink several DOS Beers simultaneously. Allows you to drink Windows 3.1 Beer simultaneously too, but somewhat slower. Advertises that its cans won't explode when you open them, even if you shake them up. You never really see anyone drinking OS/2 Beer, but the manufacturer (International Beer Manufacturer) claims that 9 million six-packs have been sold.

Windows 95 Beer: A lot of people have taste-tested it and claim it's more suds than beer. The can looks a lot like Mac Beer's can, but tastes more like Windows 3.1 Beer. It comes in 32-oz. cans, but when you look inside, the cans only have 16 oz. of beer in them. Most people will probably keep drinking Windows 3.1 Beer until their friends try Windows 95 Beer and say they like it. The ingredients list, when you look at the small print, has some of the same ingredients that come in DOS beer, even though the manufacturer claims that this is an entirely new brew.

Windows NT Beer: Comes in 32-oz. cans, but you can only buy it by the truckload. This causes most people to have to go out and buy bigger refrigerators. The can looks just like Windows 3.1 Beer's, but the company promises to change the can to look just like Windows 95 Beer's. Touted as an "industrial strength" beer and suggested only for use in bars.

Windows 98 Beer: Millions sampled Windows95 beer and noticed that it was often flat, right out of the can. The manufacturer of Windows95 beer decided to re-release it as Windows98 beer and guarantee it's freshness. Most consumers are skeptical of the manufacturer's claims, and will continue to drink flat Windows95 beer because they have acquired the taste for it.

Windows 2000 Beer: The manufacturer of the Windows line of beers says this will be "the" beer, if they can just finish playing with the ingredients. This beer will have many ingredients of Windows 95/98 and NT beers. Many drinkers in the future will be forced to drink this when they get thirsty since they won't be able to find Windows 95 or 98 or NT beer on the shelves. If this beer is like any other Windows beer, it will be laden with bacteria which will allow other people to drink your beer. You must remove these yourself with Packs of new ingredients from the manufacturer.

UNIX Beer: Comes in several different brands, in cans ranging from 8 oz. to 64 oz. This very heavy beer has been around for years, rumour has it that it was originally brewed as a hoax by a couple of bored workers, only for them to find that some people actually liked the stuff. Drinkers of Unix Beer display fierce brand loyalty, even though they claim that all the different brands taste almost identical. Many other varieties exist, with a huge range of flavours and (often unpronouneceable) ingredients. It must be stressed, however, that even then it is strictly an acquired taste. It tends to be drunk only by freaks or eccentric academics, often with beards; and drinkers of it do not like drinkers of any other beer. In its basic form it doesn't look particularly impressive, but with the addition of a magic ingredient named "X", it can be converted into an all-singing all-dancing beer on a par with the others. Sometimes the pop-tops break off when you try to open them, so you have to have your own can opener around for those occasions, in which case you either need a complete set of instructions, or a friend who has been drinking Unix Beer for several years.

OpenWindows Beer: Tastes a lot like Unix Beer, but comes in a flashier can. This beer pours very easily, but then suddenly becomes the consistency of molasses for a few seconds, and then returns to its normal consistency. The manufacturer keeps trying to discontinue this brew, but so far hasn't succeeded.

Linux Beer: LINUX beer tastes just like Unix beer. Like Unix beer, Linux beer is intended for expert beer drinkers only. It originally had no pop tops or cans because you had to brew it yourself. First you would get a recipe and some yeast from a Unix guru. Then go plow a field, plant your barley and hops. After harvest you would take your Kernels and put them into a barrel full of water, then you just add your yeast close the lid, and let your beer compile. After all this you have what experts claim to be one of the Worlds Best Beers. Linux beers do not normally explode but many brewers have been known to. Linux beer is now available from some Micro Brewerys in handy pop top versions for easy drinking by beginner Unix or Linux beer drinkers. Keep your can openers handy.

MVS Beer: An early product from International Beer Manufacturer. Comes in a odd 31-oz. can that has multiple ring pulls thus allowing the amusing trick of several people trying to drink from the same can at once. Some people believe the cans to be haunted saying that whenever they aren't watching the cans they fall over. Barrels never explode but do require an experienced technician to tap. Very expensive brew but worth the added cost. Many younger drinkers find the taste dated but experienced drinkers enjoy robust full bodied flavor. A sophisticated drinker might be let down by the contents - this kind of beer has unexpected nasty stuff floating in it.Only available from exclusive distributor network.

AmigaDOS Beer: The company has gone out of business, but their recipe has been picked up by some weird German company, so now this beer will be an import. This beer never really sold very well because the original manufacturer didn't understand marketing. Like Unix Beer, AmigaDOS Beer fans are an extremely loyal and loud group. It originally came in a 16-oz. can, but now comes in 32-oz. cans too. When this can was originally introduced, it appeared flashy and colorful, but the design hasn't changed much over the years, so it appears dated now. Critics of this beer claim that it is only meant for watching TV anyway.

VMS Beer: Requires minimal user interaction, except for popping the top and sipping. However, cans have been known on occasion to explode, or contain extremely un-beer-like contents. Best drunk in high pressure development environments. When you call the manufacturer for the list of ingredients, you're told that it's proprietary and referred to an unknown listing in the manuals published by the FDA. Rumors have it that this was once listed in the Physicians' Desk Reference as a tranquilizer, but no one can claim to have actually seen it.

Atari Beer: This beer used to come only in 8 oz. size but performed like a 64 oz. slugger. Was brewed back in the good old days where brewing was an elegant art. Atari Beer was microbrewed unlike some mass produced factory beer we have now. One feature of Atari Beer was that anyone could alter the brewing process just by learning a few BASIC commands. Also one of the first brews to come in full color cans that also played music when opened. Atari Beer made a poorly managed attempt to introduce 1024 oz. version. This brew was able to imitate most other beers of it's time by simulating their taste. Was well received for it's entertainment value, but never fully accepted by the business drinkers. This recipe is no longer produced, however some talented enthusiasts are keeping this concoction alive by brewing it in their basements.