General Motors doesn't have a help line for people who don't know how to drive because people don't buy cars like they buy computers, but imagine if they did....

Helpline: General Motors Helpline, how can I help you?
Customer: I got in my car and closed the door and nothing happened!
Helpline: Did you put the key in the ignition slot and turn it?
Customer: What's an ignition?
Helpline: It's a starter motor that draws current from the battery and turns over the engine.
Customer: Ignition? Motor? Battery? Engine? How come I have to know all these technical terms just to use my car?

Helpline: General Motors Helpline, how can I help you?
Customer: My car ran fine for a week, and now it won't go anywhere!
Helpline: Is the gas tank empty?
Customer: Huh? How would I know?
Helpline: There's a little gauge on the front panel with a needle and some markings from 'E' to 'F'. Where is the needle pointing?
Customer: It's pointing to 'E'. What does that mean?
Helpline: It means that you have to visit a gasoline vendor and purchase some more gasoline. You can install it yourself or pay the vendor to install it for you.
Customer: What? I paid $12,000 for this car! Now you tell me that I have to keep buying more components? I want a car that comes with everything built in!

Helpline: General Motors Helpline, how can I help you?
Customer: Your cars suck!
Helpline: What's wrong?
Customer: I crashed, that's what's wrong!
Helpline: What were you doing?
Customer: I wanted to go faster, so I pushed the accelerator pedal all the way to the floor. It worked fine for a while and then it crashed and it won't start now!
Helpline: It's your responsibility if you misuse the product. What do you expect us to do about it?
Customer: I want you to send me one of the latest versions that doesn't crash anymore!

Helpline: General Motors Helpline, how can I help you?
Customer: Hi, I just bought my first car, and I chose your car because it has automatic transmission, cruise control, power steering, power brakes, and power door locks.
Helpline: Thanks for buying our car. How can I help you?
Customer: How do I work it?
Helpline: Do you know how to drive?
Customer: Do I know how to what?
Helpline: Do you know how to drive?
Customer: I'm not a technical person. I just want to go places in my car.