+50
       * New York tenants turn on the heat
       * Minnesotans plant gardens

     +40
       * Californians shiver uncontrollably
       * Minnesotans sunbathe

     +35
       * Italian cars don't start

     +32
       * Distilled water freezes

     +30
       * You can see your breath
       * You plan a vacation in Florida
       * Politicians begin to worry about the homeless
       * Minnesotans eat ice cream

     +25
       * Boston water freezes
       * Californians weep pitiably
       * Cat insists on sleeping on your bed with you

     +20
       * Cleveland water freezes
       * San Franciscans start thinking favorably of LA
       * Green Bay Packers fans put on T-shirts----Hell YEAH!!!

     +15
       * You plan a vacation in CANCUN!!!!!
       * Minnesotans go swimming

     +10
       * Politicians begin to talk about the homeless
       * Too cold to snow
       * You need jumper cables to get the car going

       0
       * New York landlords turn on the heat

      -5
       * You can hear your breath
       * You plan a vacation in Hawaii

     -10
       * American cars don't start
       * Too cold to skate

     -15
       * You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo
       * Miamians cease to exist
       * Minnesotans lick flagpoles

     -20
       * Cat insists on sleeping in your pajamas with you
       * Politicians actually do something about the homeless
       * People in LaCrosse think about taking down screens

     -25
       * Too cold to kiss
       * You need jumper cables to get the driver going
       * Japanese cars don't start
       * Minnesota Twins head for spring training

     -30
       * You plan a two-week hot bath
       * Bock beer production begins
       * Minnesotans shovel snow off roof

     -38
       * Mercury freezes
       * Too cold to think
       * Minnesotans button top button

     -40
       * Californians disappear
       * Car insists on sleeping in your bed with you
       * Minnesotans put on sweaters

     -50
       * Congressional hot air freezes
       * Alaskans close the bathroom window
       * Green Bay Packers practice indoors

     -60
       * Walruses abandon Aleutians
       * Minnesotans put gloves away, take out mittens
       * Boy Scouts in Eau Claire start Klondike Derby

     -70
       * Minneapolis residents replace diving boards with hockey nets
       * Ridgeway snowmobilers organize trans-river race to Buffalo, WI

     -80
       * Polar bears abandon Baffin Island
       * Girl Scouts in Eau Claire start Klondike Derby

     -90
       * Lawyers chase ambulances for no more than 10 miles
       * Wisconsinites migrate to Minnesota thinking it MUST be warmer

    -100
       * Santa Claus abandons North Pole
       * Minnesotans pull down earflaps

    -173
       * Ethyl alcohol freezes
       * The University of Minnesota (Twin Cities Campus) closes

    -445
       * Superconductivity

    -452
       * Helium becomes a liquid

    -454
       * Hell freezes over

    -456
       * Illinois drivers drop below 85 MPH on I-90

   -458
       * Incumbent politician renounces a campaign contribution

   -460  (Absolute Zero)
       * All atomic motion ceases
       * Minnesotans allow as to how it's getting a mite nippy
       * The University of Minnesota-Duluth is closed