From buddy  Tue Mar  4 14:51:19 1997
Date: Tue, 4 Mar 1997 14:51:17 
Subject: Humor: Medical Humor,mildly offensive ethnics, in general


You might be in the medical field if....
1.  Discussing dismemberment over a gourmet meal seems perfectly normal
    to you.
2.  Your idea of a good time is a full code at shift change.
3.  You find humor in other people's stupidity.
4.  You believe in aerial spraying of Prozac.
5.  Your idea of comforting a child is to place him in a papoose restraint.
6.  You believe that "shallow gene pool" should be a diagnosis.
7.  You believe the government should require a permit to reproduce.
8.  You believe chocolate is a food group.
9.  You believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if anyone says "Boy,
    it sure is quite around here".
10. You're out in public and you compliment a stranger on their great
    veins.
11. You have ever referred to someone's death as a transfer to the
    "Eternal Care Center"
12. You hate working on nights with a full moon.
13. You don't think a referral to Dr. Kevorkian is inappropriate for
    this patient.
14. You have ever wanted to hold a seminar entitled "SUICIDE:
    Getting it Right the First Time".
15. You have ever had to leave a patients room before laughing
    uncontrollably.
16. You think caffeine should be available in IV form.
17. You have ever restrained someone and it was not a sexual
    experience.
18. The most commonly uttered phrase after midnight (for all you ED folks)
    is "What changed at 2 am tonight, that made this an emergency after six
    months?"
19. You believe that too stupid to live should be a diagnosis.
20. You have ever referred to the ED as a "crap magnet".
21. You believe that the waiting room should be supplied with a Valium
    salt lick.
22. You have ever wanted a terrorist to deliver a Ryder truck to the lab.
23. You would like to see a "dumbshit profile" listed on the lab slip.
24. When you mention vegetables, you are not referring to a food group.
25. You are totally astounded when someone from the lab speaks
    English.
26. You have been exposed to so many x-rays that you say "No, I don't
    worry about birth control...I've been irradiated"
27. A patient has told you, "I have no idea how that got stuck up there"
28. You have your weekends all marked off and planned for a year.
29. You encourage an obnoxious patient to sign out AMA.
30. You use your status to get out of speeding tickets.
31. You use the word GOMER in a sentence.
32. You have ever bet on someone's blood alcohol level.
33. You threaten "the hose" if your patient won't give you a urine
    specimen.
34. After someone tells you how many drinks they've had, your
    response is "...and how big were those drinks?"