From buddy Thu Jul 18 11:45:41 1996
Date: Thu, 18 Jul 1996 11:45:39
Subject: Torch in DC


With all the hype about the Olympic Torch coming through the D.C.
area, certain gory details about the Torch's journey  were 
omitted by the media (probably a conspiracy by those "black helicopter"
guys).
     
Accordingly, I thought you might like to see a  minute-by-minute 
account of what REALLY happened as the  Torch made its way through our 
fine city:

3:15  Torch arrives at U.S. Capitol
3:30  Torch leaves U.S. Capitol, carried by Bob Dole.  
5:00  One block later, Bob Dole hands off torch.
5:15  Torch enters Northeast Washington
5:16  First recorded case of "Torch-jacking" occurs.
6:00  After massive search, Torch is found in a local pawn  shop 
      and repurchased for $25
6:15  Torch arrives at city hall.  Crowd is dismayed when  Marion 
      Barry uses it to light his crack pipe.
6:20  Barry is further embarrassed when he is stopped trying  to 
      take the torch to the country for "spiritual renewal".  
6:30  Torch heads into Northwest Washington
6:35  Torch runner falls into D.C. pothole.
6:45  Torch is recovered (runner is never found).
6:55  Torch arrives at Dupont Circle.  Residents are proud to  
      have such a high profile "flame" in their area.
7:00  Torch runner attempts to hand off flame to NBA star Juwan Howard.
7:01  David Falk stops the transaction, demanding $9 million over 
      two years for Howard's effort.
7:21  Torch arrives White House.
7:22  FBI files on Torch arrive White House.
7:23  Hillary fires Torch, citing "gross mismanagement and bad 
      record keeping".
7:24  "Torchgate" hearings begin on Capitol Hill.
7:30  Torch leaves White House, heads across the Mall.
7:35  Torch is handed to Republican Presidential candidate, Pat Buchanan.
7:36  Series of mysterious fires at black churches begins along 
      Torch route.
8:00  Torch heads for Virginia.
8:15  Crossing the 14th Street Bridge, Torch is accidentally 
      dropped into Potomac -- entire surface of river immediately ignites.  
8:45  After being recovered by ValuJet divers, Torch enters  
      Virginia. Upon crossing state line, runner is immediately assessed 
      personal property tax on torch.