From buddy Thu Jul 11 01:45:34 1996
Date: Thu, 11 Jul 1996 01:45:31
Subject: Wisdom from Whooty


           The Top 16 Signs Your Cat May Be Planning to Kill You

 16> Seems mighty chummy with the dog all of a sudden.
 15> Unexplained calls to F. Lee Bailey's 900 number on your bill.
 14> He actually *does* have your tongue.
 13> You find a stash of "Feline of Fortune" magazines behind
     the couch.
 12> Cyanide pawprints all over the house.
 11> You wake up to find a bird's head in your bed.
 10> As the wind blows over the grassy knoll in downtown Dallas,
     you get a faint whiff of catnip.
  9> Droppings in litter box spell out "REDRUM."
  8> Catch him with a new mohawk looking in the mirror saying,
     "Mew looking at me?  Mew looking at me?"
  7> Takes attentive notes every time "Itchy and Scratchy" are on.
  6> You find blueprints for a Rube Goldberg device that starts
     with a mouse chased into a hole and ends with flaming oil
     dumped on your bed.
  5> Has taken a sudden interest in the wood chipper.
  4> Instead of dead birds, leaves cartons of Marlboros on your
     doorstep.
  3> Ball of yarn playfully tied into a hangman's noose.
  2> You find a piece of paper labeled "MY WIL" which says:
     "LEEV AWL 2 KAT."

     ... and the Number 1 Sign Your Cat May Be Planning to Kill You ...

  1> Now sharpens claws on your car's brake lines.