From buddy Thu May 2 09:40:33 1996 Date: Thu, 2 May 1996 09:40:30 Subject: you might be an engineer if ... YOU MAY BE AN ENGINEER .............. If your wife hasn't the foggiest idea what you do at work If you stare at an orange juice container because it says CONCENTRATE If you wear black socks with white tennis shoes (or vice versa) If you can name 6 Star Trek episodes IF THE ONLY JOKES YOU RECEIVE ARE THROUGH E-MAIL If your wrist watch has more computing power than a 486DX2-50 If your idea of good interpersonal communication means getting the decimal point in the right place If your idea of a "good read" is the Edmund Scientific Catalog If you can't fit any more colored pens in your shirt pocket If you look forward to Christmas only to put together the kids' toys If you use a CAD package to design your son's Pine Wood Derby car If your favorite actor is R2-D2 If you have used coat hangers and duct tape for something other than hanging coats and taping ducts If, at Christmas, it goes without saying that you will be the one to find the burnt-out bulb in the string If you drive a Gremlin with a "Beam Me Up Scotty" bumper sticker If you have "Dilbert" comics displayed anywhere in your work area If you carry on a one-hour debate over the expected results of a test that actually takes five minutes to run If you are convinced you can build a phazer out of your garage door opener and your camera's flash attachment If you can quote scenes from any Monty Python movie If you spend more time on the Comdex floor than in the hospitality suites If you know the direction the water swirls when you flush If you own "Official Star Trek" anything If you have ever debated who was a better: Captain Kirk or Picard If your favorite character on Gilligan's Island was "The Professor" If you have ever taken the back off your TV just to see what's inside If a team of you and your co-workers have set out to modify the antenna on the radio in your work area for better reception If you thought the concoction ET used to phone home was stupid If you just don't have the heart to throw away the 100-in-1 electronics kit you got for your ninth birthday If you think Sales and Marketing are Satan's children If you have never backed-up your hard drive If you are aware that computers are actually only good for playing games, but are afraid to say it out loud If you have ever saved the power cord from a broken appliance If you have ever purchased an electronic appliance "as-is" If you see a good design and still have to change it If the salespeople at Circuit City can't answer any of your questions If you still own a slide rule and you know how to work it If you think of the gadgets in your office as "friends," but you forget to send your father a birthday card If you disdain people who use low baud rates If, when you go into a computer store, you eavesdrop on a salesperson talking with customers and you butt in to correct him and spend the next twenty minutes answering the customers' questions, while the salesperson stands by silently, nodding his head If, on vacation, you are reading a computer manual and turning the pages faster than someone else who is reading a John Grisham novel If the thought that a CD could refer to finance or music never enters your mind If you are able to argue persuasively that Ross Perot's phrase "electronic town hall" makes more sense than the term "information superhighway," but you don't because, after all, the man still uses hand drawn pie charts If you would rather get more dots per inch than miles per gallon If you rotate your screen savers more frequently than your automobile tires If you have a functioning home copier machine, but every toaster you own turns bread into charcoal If you need a checklist to turn on the TV If you have introduced your kids by the wrong name If your wife thinks your taste in ties is bizarre If you have a habit of destroying things in order to see how they work If you carry a list for everything except the groceries If you are always late to meetings If you think a pocket protector is a fashion accessory If you rearrange the dishwasher to maximize the packing factor If you go on the rides at Disneyland and sit backwards in the chairs to see how they do the special effects If you find yourself at the airport on your vacation studying the baggage handling equipment If your I.Q. number is bigger than your weight If you have memorized the program schedule for the discovery channel and have seen most of the shows already If you have ever owned a calculator with no equal key and know what RPN stands for If in college you thought spring break was a metal fatigue failure If your father sat 2 inches in front of your family's first color TV with a magnifying lens to see how they made the colors, and you grew up thinking that was normal If you have never bought any new underwear or socks for yourself since you got married If you are at an airshow and know how fast the skydivers are falling If your favorite place in San Francisco is the Exploratorium If your internet bill is larger than your long distance charges If you can type 70 words a minute but can't read your own handwriting If people groan at the party when you pick out the music If you ever forgot to get a haircut...for 6 months If your girlfriend says the way you dress is no reflection on her If your favorite James Bond character is "Q", the guy who makes the gadgets If you thought the real heroes of "Apollo 13" were the mission controllers If you rooted for HAL, the computer in 2001, a Space Odyssey If your dress clothes come from Sears or Ross If you think your computer looks better without the cover If you think that when people around you yawn, it's because they didn't get enough sleep If you bought your wife a new CD-Rom for her anniversary If you spent more on your calculator than on your wedding ring If you are wine tasting and find yourself paying more attention to the cork screws than the '84 Chardonnay If you talk about trellis code modulation at parties If your favorite television show is New Yankee Workshop If your kids refer to you as The Man Who Sleeps With Mommie If you know what http:// stands for If your wardrobe looks like you shop at Goodwill Industries If you've ever tried to repair a $5.00 radio If you bought your wife's valentine gift at Orchard Supply If you can't write unless the paper has both horizontal and vertical lines If you are still drinking Mr Pibb If you know the altitude limits for turning on and off electronic equipment on commercial flights If you order pizza over the internet and pay for it through your home banking software If you're in the back seat of your car, she's looking wistfully at the moon, and you're trying to locate a geo-synchronous satellite If your three year old son asks why the sky is blue and you try to explain the atmospheric absorption theory If everyone else on the Alaskan cruise is on deck peering at the scenery, and you are still on a personal tour of the engine room If you remember half a dozen passwords and your ten digit Compuserve address, but you have to call your niece "kiddo" If you can understand anything Al Gore says If you've already calculated how much you make per second If you do Darth Vader or Battlestar Gallactica impersonations by talking into a spinning fan If your lap-top computer costs more than your car If you walk around with your hands in your two front pockets 99% of the time If all your sentences begin with "What if" If your 4 basic food groups are: 1. Caffeine 2. Fat 3. Sugar 4. Chocolate If you talk about the high resolution and picture-in-picture capability of your big screen TV while everybody is watching the Super Bowl If you comment to your wife that her straight hair is nice and parallel If you are next in line, on death row, in a French prison and you find that the guillotine is not working properly so you offer to fix it If the blinking 12:00 on someone's VCR draws you in like a tractor beam to fix it If buying flowers for your girlfriend or spending the money to upgrade your RAM is a moral dilemma