From buddy  Sat Sep 23 21:23:47 1995
Date: Sat, 23 Sep 1995 21:23:43
Subject: oracle

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:

> Oh Oracle, whose whites are whiter and whose colors are brighter than
> any other brand....
>
> I have an immense interest in computers, and almost no interest in
> sports. Consequently, I am a girl repellent.  I'm looking for interests
> other than computers and sports that I can use to downplay my computer
> interests, in order to rid myself of the invisible sign over my head
> that says "DORK".  I cannot rely entirely on television, because an
> increasing number of people don't watch television.  My musical taste
> lies mostly in the heavy metal genre, which no one seems to like
> anymore.  Other than that, my mind is pretty much a blank slate.  Also,
> I'm too jittery to take up skydiving, so that's right out.  My budget
> forbids the ownership of a car.
>
> What, then, should I take up in order to get a life?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Humble supplicant, the Oracle's heart goes out to you.  Not that the
} Oracle has *ever* had any problem like the one you describe, because
} the girls at his school preferred the short, skinny, socially inept
} individuals to the muscular ones with good hair. Really.
}
} Not that the Oracle doesn't have good hair.
}
} Anyway, to get on with answering your question, here is a list of a few
} possible activities you could pursue, along with their pros and cons.
}
} ACTIVITY      PRO                            CON
}
} Cooking       Girls are always impressed     You will be forced to do
}               by a guy who knows the diff-   all the cooking for the
}               erence between frying and      rest of your life.
}               sauteeing.
}
} Tarot cards   Great at parties - girls       *Knowing* that you will not
}               will flock around you.         get lucky.
}
} Fundamentalist
} religion:
}    Christian  Lots of very nice girls who    The only topic you can talk
}               are willing to talk to you     about is "How Much Jesus
}               for extended periods of time.  Means To Me."
}
}    Islamic    You can have up to four        You can't actually see what
}               wives.                         they look like until you
}                                              marry them.
}
} Photography   You don't actually have to     People tend to get
}               have any film in the camera    suspicious when you don't
}               to claim you are a scout for   produce any actual
}               a modeling agency.             pictures.
}
} Art           You will seem a cultured,      All the girls you will meet
}               educated individual.           dress in black and read
}                                              poetry that doesn't rhyme.
}
} Politics      Working door-to-door for a     You have to put up with the
}               campaign will allow you to     candidate you are working
}               meet many women.               for.
}
} Environment-  Being passionately committed   You have to stop wearing
}    alism      to a cause makes you look      leather shoes and start
}               good in the eyes of many       separating your trash in
}               girls.                         order to avoid looking like
}                                              a hypocrite.
}
} You owe the Oracle an invisible sign over your head that says "ASK
} ME IF I'VE FOUND GOD."