From buddy Mon Apr  1 11:22:15 1996
Date: Mon, 1 Apr 1996 11:22:12
Subject: An Oscar Moment - quotes from the Oscar Awards


Quotes from the Oscars - May be offensive to mad cows.

Whoppi Goldberg during her opening monologue - You don't ask a black
woman to buy an expensive dress and then cover it with ribbons... I got
a red ribbon for AIDS awareness. Done. I got a purple ribbon for breast
cancer. Done. I got a yellow ribbon for the troops in Bosnia. Done. I
got a green ribbon to free the Chinese dissidents. Done. I got a milky
white ribbon for mad cow disease. Done. I got a rainbow ribbon for gay
rights. Done, done, done again. I got a fake fur ribbon for animal
rights. Done. A wet white ribbon to end Whitewater. Done. A seersucker
ribbon to let Martin Landau finish his speech from last year. Done. A
plaid ribbon that Mel Gibson wore in Braveheart instead of pants. Done.
And a blue ribbon that somebody swiped off Babe. Enough with the
ribbons, it's done.

Whoppi Goldberg, still during her monologue - Women's roles were
interesting this year. Elisabeth Shue played a hooker, Mira Sorvino
played a hooker, Sharon Stone played a hooker. How many times did
Charlie Sheen get to vote?

Nathan Lane on Disney's marketing skills - Who else could have brought
you "Little Mermaid" fish sticks, "The Lion King" push-up bra, which I'm
wearing right now, "The Hunchback of Notre Dame" backpack, and the
"Pocahontas" home pregnancy test.

Nathan Lane, apparently in reference to Jesse Jackson's protest about
the lack of black actors nominated - I just saw Ross Perot outside
screaming. He wanted to know why more nutty billionaires weren't
nominated.