From buddy Sat Mar 23 23:04:02 1996
Date: Sat, 23 Mar 1996 23:02:11
Subject: Assorted Humor, The Return of the Laugh


 A kindergarten teacher asked, "What is the shape of the Earth?"
 Little Alvin said, "Terrible!"
 ........
 Just before the Thanksgiving holiday, the teacher asked her kindergarten
class, "What do you have to be thankful for?"
 One youngster said, "I'm thankful I'm not a turkey!"

 For the first time in many years, a friend of ours traveled from our rural
town to the city to attend a movie. After buying his ticket he stopped at the
concession stand to purchase some popcorn. Handing the attendant $1.50, my
friend couldn't help but comment, "The last time I came to the movie, popcorn
was only 15 cents."
 "Well, sir," the attendant replied, "you're really going to enjoy yourself.
We have sound now."
----
 As a frequent flier, I get annoyed when other passengers disregard the
airline attendant's pleas to stay seated when the plane taxies to the gate.
One attendant captured my heart by announcing: "The captain will be parking
the aircraft at Gate 41 in approximately two minutes. I've seen the captain's
car. So if I were you, I'd remain seated."
------------------------------------------------------------------------
 Following a brief hospital stay, a gentleman received a questionnaire asking
him to grade the facility in several different categories. For the most part,
he gave them high marks. However, at the end of the form, under "Other
Comments," he wrote: "My principle motivation in striving to lead a
law-abiding and upright life is the fear that prison food might be the equal
of that served in your hospital."
-------
 The woman at the supermarket checkout was giving the clerk a hard time. At
her audience in the waiting line increased, she became more abusive. Finally,
the patient clerk came to a dog's flea collar. The checker asked the customer
if she was aware that the package had been opened. "Of course," the woman
snapped. "I opened it. You can't expect me to get it home and find out it's
the wrong size." A voice from the line spoke for all of us: "Wear it in good
health."
______
 It's my wife who makes our budget work - the secret is that we go without a
lot of things I don't need.