From buddy Mon Mar 18 22:57:12 1996
Date: Mon, 18 Mar 1996 22:57:02
Subject: Assorted Humor


Overheard on the public-address system at a supermarket in Alphareta, Ga.:
"Would the person with a leaky bag of sugar please stop your shopping cart
where you are so that our custodian can catch up to you."
----
 In a hurry, I dashed through the grocery store, selected my tens items and
looked for an express lane. Rushing to one clerk, I inquired, "Can you check
me out, please?"
 He turned and looked me in the eye, then clanced down and back up again. "Not
bad," he said.
------
 It was a stifling hot day and a man fainted in the middle of a busy
intersection. Traffic quickly piled up in all directions while a woman rushed
to help him. When she knelt down to loosen his collar, a man emerged from the
crowd, pushed her aside, and said, "It's all right honey, I've had a course in
first aid."
 The woman stood up and watched as he took the ill man's pulse and prepared to
administer artificial respiration. At this point she tapped him on the
shoulder and said, "When you get to the part about calling a doctor, I'm
already here."
........
 Dr. Theresa Bowling handed her overweight patient a bottle of pills. "Don't
swallow these pills," Dr. Bowling said. "Instead, spill them on the floor
three times a day and pick them up one by one."
 ........
 The Lamaze class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how
to breathe properly, along with informing the men how to give the necessary
assurances at this stage of the plan.
 The teacher then announced, "Ladies, exercise is good for you. Walking is
especially beneficial. And, gentlemen, it wouldn't hurt you to take the time
to go walking with your partner!"
 The room really got quiet. Finally, a man in the middle of the group raised
his hand. "Yes," replied the teacher.
 "Is it alright if she carries a golf bag while we walk?"
........
 The manager of a large office noticed a new man one day and told him to come
into his office. "What is your name?" was the first thing the manager asked
the new guy.

 "John," the new guy replied.

 The manager scowled, "Look...I don't know what kind of a mamby-pamby place
you worked before, but I don't call anyone by their first name. It breeds
familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority. I refer to my
employees by their last name only...Smith, Jones, Baker...that's all. I am to
be referred to only as Mr. Robertson. Now that we got that straight, what is
your last name?"

 The new guy sighed, "Darling. My name is John Darling."

 "Okay John, the next thing I want to tell you is . . . "