From buddy Tue Jun  6 22:37:11 1995
Date: Tue, 1 Sep 1993 00:00:00
Subject: classifieds 


                      FROM THE CLASSIFIEDS

2 female Boston terrier puppies, 7 wks old, perfect markings, 555-
1234.  Leave mess.

Lost: small apricot poodle.  Reward.  Neutered.  Like one of the
family.

A superb and inexpensive restaurant.  Fine food expertly served by
waitresses in appetizing forms.

Dinner Special--turkey $2.35; chicken or beef $2.25; children
$2.00.

For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and
large drawers.

Four-poster bed, 101 years old.  Perfect for antique lovers.

Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair
to take home, too.

Wanted: 50 girls for stripping machine operators in factory.

Wanted: Unmarried girls to pick fresh fruit and produce at night.

We do not tear your clothing with machinery.  We do it carefully by
hand.

For Sale.  Three canaries of undermined sex.

For Sale--eight puppies from a German shepherd and an Alaskan
hussy.

Great dames for sale.

Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful
condition.

Tired of cleaning yourself?  Let me do it.

Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.

Vacation Special: have your home exterminated.

If you think you've seen everything in Paris, visit the Pere
Lachasis Cemetery.  It boasts such immortals as Moliere, Jean de la
Fontain, and Chopin.

Illiterate?  Write today for free help.

Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting-off-head illusion.  Blue
Cross and salary.

Wanted.  Widower with school-aged children requires person to
assume general housekeeping duties.  Must be capable of
contributing to growth of family.

Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for
efficient beating.

And now, the Superstore--unequaled in size, unmatched in variety,
unrivaled inconvenience.

We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home for
$1.00.

Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated?  Come here first!

For sale: A quilted high chair that can be made into a table, potty
chair, rocking horse, refrigerator, spring coat, size 8 and fur
collar.

20 dozen bottles of excellent Old Tawny Port, sold to pay for
charges, the owner having lost sight of, and bottled by us last
year.

Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates.
Automatically burns toast.

Christmans tag-sale.  Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find person.

Modular Sofas.  Only $299 For rest or fore play.

Auto Repair Service.  Free pickup and delivery.  Try us once;
you'll never go anywhere again.

Holcross pullets.  Starting to lay Betty Clayton, Granite 5-6204.

Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for
efficient beating.

Semi-Annual after-Christmas Sale

And now, the Superstore--unequaled in size, unmatched in variety,
unrivaled inconvenience.

We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home for
$1.