From buddy Sun Apr  9 13:52:56 1995
Date: Sun, 9 Apr 1995 13:52:49
Subject: Teacher Humor


TO ALL TEACHERS

        Please put this in a prominent place on your desk so that you may
refer to it throughout the year.  Attach it securely, as no copies will be
made available. 

        So that there is no misunderstanding between thee and me, it is
expected that the following rules be obeyed: 

1.  Students MUST leave their homes no later that 7:30 A.M. and
return no earlier that 3:00 P.M.  NO hanging around the front
yards.  Parents have enough to do in the mornings without baby-
sitting your students.
2.  Students may come home for lunch only if they live within
thirty feet of the school.
3.  If school is to be dismissed at noon on any given day, notice
must be sent home six months in advance.
4.  No student may come home claiming illness unless he a) is
bleeding from both ears, b) has a broken bone protruding from the
skin, c) is unconscious.  In such cases, the student may come
home if s/he brings a note from the school nurse testifying that
the child is not faking.
5.  Oil paints, India ink, and Magic Markers are strictly
prohibited and if brought into the home, will be confiscated and
destroyed.  In the event that said items are smuggled into the
home, and are found by a preschool age sibling, it shall be
understood that the teacher will then be required to report to
the home that evening to wash down the walls, clean the carpet,
and explain the whole thing to Dad.
6. Requests for milk money, hot-lunch money, mission money,
field-trip money, or any other money must be made before the 21st
of the month, as no respectable mother can be expected to come up
with any petty cash after that date.
7.  Students who are persuaded to go out for band will be allowed
to practice only in the home of the band instructor.
8.  In the interests of peace at home, the following policy will
be strictly adhered to:  NO PTA meetings, scout banquets,
Christmas programs, graduations, etc., may be scheduled on Monday
nights unless they are first cleared with Howard Cosell.
9.  Students are expected to return home from school in
reasonably reputable clothes.  Trousers with holes, jackets with
rips, and shoes with irremovable tar will not be tolerated.  In
the case of primary students, parents of first and second-graders
will be satisfied if their children just return home in the same
clothes they wore to school.
10.  We realize that personality conflicts may occur throughout
the year.  However, we must insist that teachers do not request
that their students be assigned to another family.  While many
parents would be happy to cooperate with such a request, surveys
have shown that one home is pretty much like another, and
students and teachers will just have to adjust.

        If you have any questions concerning this letter, please
feel free to call me anytime before 3:00 P.M. yesterday
afternoon.