From buddy Mon May 15 12:48:30 1995
Date: Mon, 15 May 1995 12:48:26
Subject: In The News 

               In The News - Excerpts from the LA Times
                    Includes some late night humor
                     Reprinted without permission

A $1.50 tariff is being proposed by the Clinton Administration for every
person entering the United States. This is an insult and it doesn't say
much about our country. Even low life strip joints have a $10 cover
charge. How about we charge $20 and have a two drink minimum.

A recent report shows that baby boomers will need $1 million to retire
in the style in which they have become accustomed. This is grim. Their
parents will have to work until they're 100 to give them that kind of
money...

Alstate wants to raise Florida property insurance by as much as 65%
because of hurricane fears. Sounds like the "good hands" people are down
to about one finger now.

                           OJ Update

DNA expert Robin Cotton made a teacher like presentation last week in
court. While she was lecturing on DNA, OJ Simpson had a flashback to his
USC days - "This class sucks," he whispered to Robert Shapiro, "you take
notes, I'm going to go practice..."

Prosecutor George Clark asked Cotton how DNA degrades. If anyone, a
lawyer should be an expert on degradation.

It's kind of comical... by the end of the trial, the jury will know
everything there is to know about DNA, but they still won't be able to
program their VCR's.

Marcia Clark is dating film executive Alan Greisman. They lead such
different lives - one is involved in a comedy farce... the other is
making a movie.

OJ finally got some good news last week - a manager at Raplhs confirmed
that his DNA matched the bar code on Nabisco "Guilt Free" Snack Well
cookied.

And finally...

A study shows that people who drink three to five glasses of wine a day
live longer than those who don't drink. Well... maybe they don't
actually live longer, they just forget their birthdays...