From buddy Thu May 11 21:37:16 1995 Date: Thu, 11 May 1995 21:37:11 Subject: it's that time again And it came to pass. Early in the morning, toward the last day of the semester. There arose a great multitude, smiting the books and wailing, And there was much weeping and gnashing of teeth, For the day of judgement was at hand. And they were afraid, for they had left undone Those things which they ought to have done And there was no help for it. And there were many abiding in the dorms Who had kept watch over their books by night, But it availed them naught. But there were some who rose peacefully, For they had prepared themselves the way And made straight the paths of knowledge. And these were known As wise burners of the midnight oil. And to others, they were known as "curve raisers". And the multitude arose And ate a hearty breakfast. And they came to the appointed place And their hearts were heavy And they had come to pass. But some of them Repented of their riotous living and bemoaned their fate, But they had not a prayer. And at the last hour there came amongst them One known as the instructor, and they feared him. He was of diabolical smile, And he passed papers among them and went his way. And may and varied Were the answers given, For some of his teachings had fallen among fertile minds. Others had fallen among the fallows. While others had fallen flat. And some there were who wrote for one hour, Others for two, But some turned away sorrowful, and many of these Offered a little bull in hopes of pacifying the instructor And there were the ones who had not a pray. And when there finished, They gathered up their belongings And they went their way quietly, each in his own direction, And each vowing unto himself in this manner: "I shall not pass this way again." The Night Before Finals Twas the night before finals, And all through the college, The students were praying For last minute knowledge. Most were quite sleepy, But none touched their beds, While visions of essays danced in their heads. Out in the taverns, A few were still drinking, And hoping that liquor would loosen up their thinking. In my own apartment, I had been pacing, And dreading exams I soon would be facing. My roommate was speechless, His nose in his books, And my comments to him Drew unfriendly looks. I drained all the coffee, And brewed a new pot, No longer caring That my nerves were all shot. I stared at my notes, But my thoughts all were muddy, My eyes went ablur, I just couldn't study. "Some pizza might help," I said with a shiver, But each place I called Refused to deliver. I'd nearly concluded That life was too cruel, With futures depending On grades had in school. When all of a sudden, Our door opened wide, And Patron Saint Put It Off Ambled inside. His spirit was careless, His manner was mellow. He strolled on inside and started to bellow: "What kind of student Would make such a fuss, To toss back at teachers What they tossed at us?" "On Cliff Notes! On Crib Notes! On Last Year's Exams! On Wingit and Slingit, And Last Minute Crams!" His message delivered, He vanished from sight, But we heard him laughing Outside in the night. "Your teachers have pegged you, So just do your best. Happy Finals to All, And to All, a good test." Taken From the MIT Course Evaluation Guide, Fall, 1991 The Best and Worst Comments Received ==================================== "This class was a religious experience for me... I had to take it all on faith." "Text makes a satisfying `thud' when dropped on the floor." "[The class] is worthwhile because I need it for the degree." "His blackboard technique puts Rembrandt to shame." "Textbook is confusing... Someone with a knowledge of English should proofread it." "Have you ever fell asleep in class and awoke in another? That's the way I felt all term." "[In class] I learn I can fudge answers and get away with it." "Keep lecturer or tenure board will be shot." "The recitation instructor would make a good parking lot attendant. Tries to tell you where to go, but you can never understand him." "Text is useless. I use it to kill roaches in my room." "[In class] the syllabus is more important than you are." "I am convinced that you can learn by osmosis by just sitting in his class." "Help! I've fallen asleep and I can't wake up!" "Problem sets are a decoy to lure you away from potential exam material." "Recitation was great. It was so confusing that I forgot who I was, where I was, and what I was doing--It's a great stress reliever." "He is one of the best teachers I have had...He is well-organized, presents good lectures, and creates interest in the subject. I hope my comments don't hurt his chances of getting tenure." "I would sit in class and stare out the window at the squirrels. They've got a cool nest in the tree." "He teaches like Speedy Gonzalez on a caffeine high." "This course kept me out of trouble from 2-4:30 on Tuesdays and Thursdays." "Most of us spent the 1st 3 weeks terrified of the class. Then solidarity kicked in." "Bogus number crunching. My HP is exhausted." "The absolute value of the TA was less than epsilon." "[TA] steadily improved throughout the course... I think he started drinking and it really loosened him up." "Information was presented like a ruptured fire hose-- spraying in all directions--no way to stop it." "I never bought the text. My $60 was better spent on the Led Zeppelin [tapes] that I used more while doing the problem sets that I would have used the text." "What's the quality of the text? `Text is printed on high quality paper.'" Final Exam Instructions: Read each question carefully. Answer all questions. Time limit: 2 hours. Begin Immediately. History: Describe the history of the Papacy from its origins to the present day, concentrating especially, but not exclusively, on its social, political, economic, religious and philisophical impact on Europe, Asia, America and Africa. Be brief, concise and specific. Medicine: You have been provided with a razor blade, a piece of gauze, and a bottle of scotch. Remove your appendix. Do not suture until work has been inspected. You have fifteen minutes. Public Speaking: 2500 riot-crazed aborigines are storming the classroom. Calm them. You may use any ancient language except Latin or Greek. Biology: Create life. Estimate the differences in subsequent human culture if this form of life had developed 500 million years earlier, with special attention to its effect on the English Parliamentary System. Prove your thesis. Music: Write a piano concerto. Orchestrate and perform it with flute and drum. You will find a piano under your seat. Psychology: Based on your knowledge of their works, evaluate the emotional stability, degree of adjustment, and repressed frustrations of each of the following: Alexander of Aphrodisis, Ramses II, Hammuarabi. Support your evaluation with quotations from each man's work, making appropriate references. It is not necessary to translate. Sociology: Estimate the sociological problems which might accompany the end of the world. Construct an experiment to test your theory. Engineering: The disassembled parts of a high-powered rifle have been placed on your desk. You will also find an instruction manual, printed in Swahili. In 10 minutes, a hungry bengal tiger will be admitted to the room. Take whatever action you feel necessary. Be prepared to justify your decision. Economics: Develop a realistic plan for refinancing the national debt. Trace the possible effects of your plan in the following areas: Cubism, the Donatist Controversy and the Wave Theory of Light. Outline a method for preventing these effects. Criticize this method from ALL possible points of view, as demonstrated in your answer to the last question. Political Science: There is a red telephone on the desk beside you. Start World War III. Report at length on its socio-political effects if any. Epistemology: Take a position for or against truth. Prove the validity of your stand. Physics: Explain the nature of matter. Include in your answer an evaluation of the impact of the development of mathematics on science. Philosophy: Sketch the development of human thought. Estimate its significance. Compare with the development of any other kind of thought. Mathematics: Solve pi to one million places. Show all work. General Knowledge: Describe in detail. Be objective and specific.