From buddy  Mon Dec 18 16:12:07 1995
Date: Mon, 18 Dec 1995 16:12:04
Subject: Techincal Support


     The following are a few true excerpts of real technical support 
     inquiries logged over the years.  These are not made-up jokes, but 
     actual situations! Read 'em and see what real support should be!
     
     The Squeaky Mouse
     
     Caller: I would like to speak to someone about a major problem we're 
     having with our new system.  The mouse does not work, and it squeaks 
     horrendously!
     
     Tech Guy: Sounds like you do have a problem. Maybe the mouse has a bad 
     ball.
     
     Caller: I'm moving it around right now, can you hear that unbelievable 
     noise?
     
     Tech Guy: Yes. I can't say I have ever heard that from a mouse before.
     
     Caller: Yeah, and it gets worse if I move it across the screen faster!
     
     Tech Guy: What do you mean, 'move it across the screen'?
     
     Caller: You know, like push it from one corner of the monitor to the 
     other.
     
     The Bad Diskette
     
     Caller: We need to return all the 5 1/4" disks that came with our 
     system. They are no good - they don't work.
     
     Tech Guy: Okay, what seems to be the problem with the disks?
     
     Caller: I have no idea. All I did was type our company labels on them 
     in the typewriter. For  some reason now they're all curled up and 
     won't fit into the computer.
     
     The Very Clean Akeyboard
     
     Caller: Hi, I am Mario, a working in a the kitchen here at a 
     Umberto's, and a my akeyboard she no work a no more.
     
     Tech Guy: That's bad, Mario. Are you sure it's plugged-in all the way?
     
     Caller: Oh yeah, I a plugged it a back in a right myselfa after I a 
     cleaned it.
     
     Tech Guy: You say you cleaned it?
     
     Caller: A yes, it's a clean as a whistle, about 15 a minutes in the 
     dish-a-washer!
     
     Keep the Smoke Inside
     
     Caller: We've got a real problem here. Your system went up in smoke!
     
     Tech Guy: Oh no, you mean fire, burning, smoke?
     
     Caller: Yeah, filled the whole place up. Had to call the fire 
     department.
     
     Tech Guy: Jeeze, that's terrible. I hope no one was hurt.
     
     Caller: No. Just the computer melted. What do we do now?
     
     Tech Guy: Well, uh, okay, I'll get a return number and you can send it 
     back to us to take a look at  it. Okay?
     
     Caller: Yeah, fine. As soon as we can disconnect the cables from the 
     cash register.
     
     Tech Guy: Cables from the cash register?
     
     Caller: Yeah, we hooked our register to the thing to get our receipts 
     into it at night. We got an adapter from Radio Shack to put the AC 
     cord into the port, you know?