From buddy  Mon Oct  9 09:17:21 1995
Date: Mon, 9 Oct 1995 09:16:43
Subject: more OJ


     The makers of BUCK knives have made a lucrative offer to OJ
for endorsement of their product line. And it comes just in time,
too:  heard this morning that Hertz has fired him and NBC may not
be using his services anymore, either.
- - ---
     It is not wonderful that OJ has now dedicated his life to
finding the murder or murders of his former wife. It's obvious
that the person who killed Ron and Nicole had O.J.'s hat, gloves,
shoes, socks, DNA, blood type, knife, hair, and Bronco. It
shouldn't be too hard to find the perpetrator now!!!
- - ---
     OJ wrote the screenplay for his next movie while waiting for
this stupid trial to end. He will be the star, playing the part
of a Black Muslim detective whose life is transformed when two
homosexuals -- a Latino lawyer and the other a white political
journalist -- kill his beautiful Zen Catholic wife of oriental
extraction (step-mother of his six wonderful children). OJ uses
unconventional investigative techniques -- engaging in intimate
conversation with no less than six blonde babes. The climax of
the movie is set up. OJ seduces the gay fiends with an offer to
have a S&D bondage sex with him. The murders get all hot about
having sex with the beautiful black hunk. Once OJ gets them naked
and tied up (oh, the queers really like that), he wacks off their
wackers with his trusty sitletto. The lawyer and the journalist
aren't happy anymore. For five minute the audience is treated the
agony of screaming and spurting blood. The next to the last scene
has a homophobic cop planting a note to make it look like a sucidie
pack and then a dumb southern honky coroner is seem pronouncing
it a double suicide. In the final scene, OJ is in bed with his
new wife who looks young enough be to be eldest daughter.
- - ---
     I wonder if (when Simpson picked up his personal property at
the jail yesterday) they gave him his cap, gloves, & socks back?
- - ---
Actual Jury Deliberation Transcripts:
Foreperson:       Alright, before we get started lets take a
                   vote.  I vote him not-guilty.  Now I am
                   going to ask each of you the same question
                   and maybe we can get out of here today.
                   Okay, Leroy you first.
Leroy:            Not-guilty
Foreperson:       Good Leroy. Now you LaWanda.
LaWanda:          Not-Guilty.
Foreperson:       Very good LaWanda.  Now you Tyrone.
Tyrone:           Not-Guilty.
Foreperson:       That's right.  Now you LaShanda.
LaShanda:         That fine looking man is Not-Guilty.
Foreperson:       He is fine, isn't he?  Now your turn LaKisha.
LaKisha:          He be Not-Guilty.
Foreperson:       Very good.  Now Moses, how about you?
Moses:            Not-Guilty
Foreperson:       Okay, now your turn Fe'Male.
Fe'Male:          Oh, he is definitely 100% not-guilty.
Foreperson:       That's right woman, now your turn Tashika.
Tashika:          That boy be innocent, I mean not-guilty.
Foreperson:       Okay, now you Action-Jackson.
Action-Jackson:   I've got my eye prize. He be free at last,
                   not-guilty.
Foreperson:       Almost there, now you Twanda.
Twanda:           Not-Guilty.
Foreperson:       Okay, now we come to or oppressed Mexican
                   friend. How about you Julio?
Julio:            Well........Not-guilty.
Foreperson:       Well that's it then, he be not guilty.
Cathy:            Hey, what about Brenda and me?
Foreperson:       Oh yea, what about you two white devils? What's
                   your verdict!!!?
Cathy:            Oh, well then, ah, not-guilty.
Brenda:           Me, ... me, too.
Foreperson:       Good, let's go home.