From buddy Mon Nov  7 18:46:52 1994
Date: Thu, 25 Aug 1994 15:36:12
Subject: more roommate stuff


For those of you going away to school this fall or for parents of
soon-to-be college students:

5 Ways to Make a Good Impression on Your New Roommate

1.  Spend the entire first day lying on your bed crying.  Every time your
roommate asks you, "What's wrong?" just shake your head and turn toward
the wall.  Then wait until 3:00 a.m. and wake her up to talk about your
problems.

2.  A slight twist to #1.  Go out your first night and get pig drunk.
Come home at 3:00 a.m. and get sick on your roommate. (A guy I lived next
door to my freshman year did this.  It won him a legion of fans.)

3.  Before leaving for school, dye your hair jet black, apply lots of
eyeliner, and find everything Nick Cave (or someone else sufficiently
"dark") ever recorded.  Spend all your time the first day rocking back and
forth in front of your stereo, listening to your tuneage.  The next
morning when your roommate says, "Good morning!", answer, "Why? We're all
just going to die anyway."

4.  Begin stealing your roommate's possessions, preferably stuff like
class rings, monogrammed sweaters, things that are undeniably hers. This
really tests your roommate's mettle.  You can wait to see if she will
confront you about it or wuss out and bring in the R.A. as an intermediary.
 This is a prime time for you to sharpen your "pathological liar skills":
  "You're wearing my sweater.  Give it back."
  "You're crazy!  I've had this thing for two years."
  "It has my initials on it! S.O.M. Susan Olivia Miller!"
  "Purely coincidence!  I got this...for being in the school musical.  The
year we did Sound of Music, everyone on the cast and crew got one..."

5.  On the first day, before your roommate even has a chance to say hello,
approach him/her and say, "I want to let you know right now that I can not
countenance living with godless heathens.  If you would just join hands
with me right now and recite the prayer printed on the back of this
pamphlet, we can both begin to live in the sacred blood of the Lord Jesus
Christ."  This is especially effective if your roommate's last name is
Goldstein, Assad, Hussein, etc...