From buddy Thu Dec 22 11:38:21 1994
Date: Thu, 22 Dec 1994 02:00:12
Subject: another PC christmas


 It is an article written by Hart Seely of the _Syracuse Herald American_.


RAGING CONTROVERSY:  Should the tree be real or fake?

POLITICALLY CORRECT SOLUTION:  Live tree, planted after use.

POLITICALLY INCORRECT SOLUTION:  Fake tree, discarded after use.

CHRISTMAS IDEAL:  Grow tree in house, adorned with fruits.

CHRISTMAS REALITY:  Fake tree stays up until May 31, adorned with furballs.

- - -----

RAGING CONTROVERSY:  Should tree lights twinkle or stay constant?

POLITICALLY CORRECT SOLUTION:  Each bulb blinks to its own chosen rhythm.

POLITICALLY INCORRECT SOLUTION:  Bulbs flash logo of tree's corporate
sponsor.

CHRISTMAS IDEAL:  Elegant flickering candles.

CHRISTMAS REALITY:  Elegant smoldering cigarettes.  Tree bursts into flames,
burns house down.

- - -----

RAGING CONTROVERSY:  Should tree be topped with an angel or a star?

POLITICALLY CORRECT SOLUTION:  Gender-neutral angel quashes submissive female
stereotype.

POLITICALLY INCORRECT SOLUTION:  Blond angel, kneeling, in Hooter's T-shirt.

CHRISTMAS IDEAL:  Authentic angel swoops in from heaven, saves lives.

CHRISTMAS REALITY:  Hell's Angel stops in for dinner, drinks beer.

- - -----

RAGING CONTROVERSY:  Do yo fling or hang tinsel?

POLITICALLY CORRECT SOLUTION:  Fling, empowering each strand with
self-determining skills.

POLITICALLY INCORRECT SOLUTION:  Hang them.  Now.

CHRISTMAS IDEAL:  Each icicle hangs like strand of spaghetti.

CHRISTMAS REALITY:  Icicles hang next to actual strands of spaghetti.

- - -----

RAGING CONTROVERSY:  Do you open gifts Christmas morning or Christmas Eve?

POLITICALLY CORRECT SOLUTION:  Gifts opened on individual schedules.

POLITICALLY INCORRECT SOLUTION:  Do it Christmas Eve, so the giving is over
in time to enjoy Rush Limbaugh's afternoon show.

CHRISTMAS IDEAL:  "Mommy, Daddy, get up, it's Christmas!"

CHRISTMAS REALITY:  "Mommy, Daddy, get up, it's Christmas!"