From buddy Mon Jan  2 20:30:49 1995
Date: Mon, 2 Jan 1995 20:27:05
Subject: CPU message translation


Here is a "quick guide" to what your PC means when it gives you on-screen
messages:

Message:
Bad command or file name
Meaning:
You idiot, you can't even get the file name right. Or else the file doesn't
even exist, in which case you are stupid beyond mortal comprehension.
Message:
Program requires [a large number] bytes of memory to run.
Meaning:
You asshole, it's just like you to waste memory.
Message:
[while booting]: HIMEM is testing extended memory.....done.
Meaning:
NOMEM is pretending to test your memory that, huge chunks of which are
allegedly free, but your computer will not use about 3\4 of, the reason being
that it is generally an angry piece of silicon shit.
Message:
[When trying to access an online service]: Service is not responding, please
wait a few moments and try again.
Meaning:
You are an insignificant pimple on our rear, and we don't have to serve you
if we don't want to. Go fuck a large member of the Bovine family.
Message:
Unidentified error.
Meaning:
You need to spend more money on me before I'm going to do anything
consistantly.
Message:
Cannot find file.
Meaning:
Are you kidding? I'm a computer. If you think I'm going to waste my time
rummaging around for something as insignificant as an extremely important
file, you're a real dullard.