From buddy Thu Mar  2 16:44:09 1995
Date: Thu, 2 Mar 1995 16:43:59
Subject: Travel Tips from Those Who Know


** Travel Tips From Those Who Know... **

     Here are a few things we have learned over the years that
might make your travels more pleasant...

     1. When in Europe remember that there is no such thing as
_Supereurodiesel_ and do not, I repeat, do not put unleaded gas
into a diesel van. Especially don't do this at 5:00 AM at the
Dutch/Belgian frontier.

     2. Find the flusher. European bathrooms are strange but,
don't panic it's in there somewhere.

     3. Don't drink the coffee at the _Little Big Horn_ truck
stop in Montana. Trust us on this one.

     4. If the front desk clerk at your hotel is behind bullet-
proof plexiglas, find another hotel.

     5. Swiss border guards carry machine guns and seem well
versed in their use. Also their guard dogs can drive cars and are
quick to take offence.

     6. If you get on a ferry with 200 drunken Danish soccer
fans, well... you asked for it.

     7. The road from Washington to Pittsburgh does not go
through Philadelphia.

     8. At Heathrow Airport, the shortest distance between two
points is not a straight line. There is no shortest distance
between two points at Heathrow.

     9. There is a direct correlation between fatigue and
proximity of screaming infants on overseas flights: the more
exhausted you are, the closer the screaming infant.

     10.  When you die, if you've been bad you won't go to hell.
You go to Heathrow Airport.