From buddy Sun Mar 19 15:43:39 1995
Date: Sun, 19 Mar 1995 15:43:31
Subject: misc


A freshman's father paid his son a surprise visit.  Arriving at 1:00
  AM, he banged on the fraternity house door. 
A voice from the second floor yelled:  "What do you want?"
"Does Harvey Chapman live here?" asked the father.
"Yeah," answered the voice, "bring him in."

A Texas oilman went to the dentist.  "Your teeth are perfect," said the
  dentist.  "You don't need a thing."
"Drill anyway, Doc," said the Texan.  "I feel lucky."

My bank advertised "No Point Loans."  I filled out a loan application
  and they told me, "There's no point."

Judge:  "What possible reason could you have for acquitting this
  murderer?" 
Jury:   "Temporary insanity."
Judge:  "All twelve of you?"

A psychiatrist was visiting an asylum for the insane.  As he walked
  the grounds he came upon a man who was creating a magnificent
  mosaic of colored bricks in the garden.  "Sir,"  exclaimed the
  psychiatrist, "your artwork is marvelous!" 
"Thank you," said the man, "I designed it myself."
"Is your studio near here?"
"I have no studio.  I am a patient here."
"A patient?!" blurted the psychiatrist.  "Good heavens, you're an
  artist! I'm going to call the director and have you paroled. I know
  many wealthy people who will commission you to design one of these
  for their gardens. You'll be rich!"  "Really?" exclaimed the
  artist. "You'd do that for me?"
"Of course!  Now here's my cab.  I'll be in touch."  As the
  psychiatrist climbed into the car, something hit him hard on the
  back of the head, knocking him senseless.  When he could refocus,
  he saw he had been hit by a colored brick. 
As he looked up, the artist waved and said, "Don't forget!"

Q - Why are there no Olympic athletes in Mexico?
A - Because any Mexican that can run, jump, or swim is already in
    America! 

Q - Why do Mexican built cars have small steering wheels?
A - So that they can be driven by a person wearing handcuffs.

"Mother, I can't marry him," moaned the love-stricken maid.  "Last night
  he told me he was an atheist and he doesn't believe in Hell."  
"Now you go right ahead and marry him," replied the mother, "and
  between the two of us we'll show him he's wrong."