From buddy Sat Nov 19 17:48:27 1994
Date: Sat, 19 Nov 1994 17:47:09
Subject: In the News


              In The News - Excerpts from the LA Times
                     Includes late night humor

Hillary Clinton gave Bill some post election advice - she told him to
stand on his principles. He hates it when she gets sarcastic.

During his recent trip to Asia, President Clinton was misbriefed. He
told the mayor of Manilla he loves their envelopes. Aftarwards, in
Hawaii, a surfer asked the President if he'd like to hang 10. Clinton
quickly reeled off the names of a dozen Republican congressmen.

Does anybody get the feeling that when we finally get the GOP's Contract
With America, it's going to be like the fine print from a Hertz rental
agreement. Hey, what's this $3 trillion deductable?

There was an accident at the court house in LA. I guess Robert Shapiro
and Judge Lance Ito saw a TV camera at the same time and collided trying
to get there.

A prospective juror said she saw Judge Lance Ito in a promo ad for his
television interview. Another juror claims she saw him on the Home
Shopping Channel hawking autographed gavels for $49.95. Ito explained
that it's "Sweeps Week". Where else but LA would a murder trial need the
publicity to keep from getting canceled?

You can tell the jury is really getting into the case of the alleged
Hollywood madam, Heidi Fleiss. Several times now they've asked the
prosecutor to re-enact the crime. The one question everybody seems to be
asking is, who did she hurt, and did they have to pay extra for that?

Talk show host Ricki Lake, arrested for trespassing during a protest,
spent the night in jail, where she entertianed fellow inmates with an
hourlong show titled "Mug Shot Makeovers". She then welcomed the head
chef from the Four Seasons restaurant, who demonstrated how to give
humdrum jail meals that festive holiday flair. The next day, a spokesman
announced that Oprah would spend two nights in a Turkish prison.
Determined not to be become a ratings war casualty, Donahue announced
that he's consented to be executed at San Quinten.

Michigan's board of education may let school principals use
Breathalyzers to test kids suspected of drinking. Finally, a test our
kids can score high on.

And finally, a French woman who killed her husband because she said she
could no longer tolerate his flatulence. The thing that makes this case
ironic is that  she could get the gas chamber...