From buddy Mon Nov 14 12:48:08 1994
Date: Mon, 14 Nov 1994 12:47:00
Subject: business joke


    TEST YOUR BUSINESS SENSE  <thanks to Pat Snider and Gary Guibor>

You are a major defense contractor, and you are building a gun for the
Army that is supposed to be able to shoot down enemy planes.  So far, the
taxpayers have paid you nearly $2 billion for it, and all your tests
indicate that the only way it would have any negative effect on an enemy
plane is if you could somehow sneak into the cockpit and manually whack
the pilot over the head with it.  How should you deal with this problem?

     (a)  You should try really hard to do a better job.
     (b)  You should tell the Defense Department that they probably
          should get another contractor.
     (c)  You should refund at least some of the taxpayers' money.

   CORRECT ANSWER: What problem?

You are a major automobile manufacturer.  You have been losing sales to
cars from other nations, particularly Japan, because their cars tend to
be fuel efficient, technologically advanced, and extremely well made,
whereas the most innovative concept you have come up with in the past
two decades is the opera window.  You should:

     (a)  Have Congress pass a law restricting Japanese imports, so
          consumers will have no choice but to buy your cars.
     (b)  Have Congress pass a law making it legal for you to
          kidnap consumers' children and not return them until the
          consumers buy your cars.
     (c)  Have Congress pass a law ordering the United States Army
          to barge directly into consumers' homes and take their
          money at gunpoint and give it to you.
     (d)  Remind everybody a lot about Pearl Harbor.

   CORRECT ANSWER:  Any or all are acceptable.

You are a major condom manufacturer with national distribution contracts.
Your latest tests reveal that your products have a major structural flaw
which makes them 86% ineffective. Faced with multi-million dollar losses,
not to mention a population increase, you should:

     (a)  Alter your sales slogan, "Sure, you're taking a chance,
          but we've got you covered... Uh Huh."
     (b)  Cut one third off and shift your sales emphasis to China;
          they'll never know the difference.
     (c)  Sell them to kids as Super Morbid Teenage Turtle Ranger
          Power Party Balloons; they'll buy anything.
     (d)  Add an agreement to the back of the package: "Opening this
          package, you agree that you are too cheap to buy one of our
          competitor's superior products, and release us from all
          liability when this device fails."

   CORRECT ANSWER: All of the above.

You are a large seafood processor distributing throughout the U.S. Your
inspectors have discovered a sizable amount of your recently shipped
product is contaminated by an undersea pollutant. The contamination is
not deadly to humans, but simulates the aftereffects of a nauseous three
day drinking binge. As a responsible business person, you should:

     (a)  Contact the Center for Disease Control and the national
          media to alert the public; and limit your liability.
     (b)  Announce an immediate recall of your products, but use your
          competitor's return address.
     (c)  Pretend you're the government and do not acknowledge the
          problem for ten years, or until you're caught; whichever
          comes later.

   CORRECT ANSWER: Eat lunch at McDonald's.