From buddy Mon Nov  7 19:05:04 1994
Date: Mon, 31 Jan 1994 22:22:11
Subject: Good News / Bad news


The Washington Post Style Invitational challenge published Sunday 1-20-94 was:

        Come up with a good news/bad news scenario.

        4th place was:
        Good news: You get an expensive designer bag.
        Bad news:  It's a colostomy bag.

        3rd place:
        Good news: Jack Kent Cooke has finally agreed to rename the Redskins.
        Bad News:  They're going to be called the Laurel "William Donald
                   Schaefers."
                   [The team has been trying to build a new stadium and the
                   owner, a most determined man, has said he will move them to
                   the Maryland suburb of Laurel.  Schaefer, the Governor has
                   been holding out for a team in Baltimore and Cooke offered
                   to name the stadium that _Cooke_ will build after the Gov.
                   The name change has been suggested because 'redskins' is no
                   longer thought to be politically correct] -- for those
                   readers not in the greater Washington Area.

     2nd place:
     Good news: You traded in that gun for a new pair of expensive jogging
               shoes.
     Bad news:  On your way out, you're shot by someone who wants your shoes.

     First runner up:
     Good news: A thorough investigation of all available whitewater company
                records exonerates the Clintons of any wrong doing.
     Bad news:  the White House Toilets are clogged.

     Winner:

     Good news: At long last, the Navy has redesigned it's uniforms for women.
     Bad news:  They look like this ---------->  Arrow points to a woman
                                                dressed as a gisha.
     -------------------------------------------------------

     Other good ones:
     G: YOur dentist is very generous with nitrous oxide.
     B: He always asks you to disrobe and put on a paper gown.

     g: In a high speed auto crash, an airbag saves your life.
     b: the doctor tells your mother you had on dirty underwear.

     G: You just picked all the correct numbers in the Virginia Lottery.
     B: you played them on the Maryland lottery.

The bad news: Lorena found the filet knife.

The good news: Lorena couldn't find the cheese grater.


Good news:  God speaks to you.

Bad news: he wants you to sacrificed a loved one.


Good news:  three ghosts visit you Christmas eve, and change your life.

Bad news:  Larry, Moe and Curley; and Moe puts your eye out...


Good news: Grandpa has been taken off the respirator and released from the
hospital.

Bad news.  Because he's dead.


Good news: bacon is found to be good for you.

Bad news: only if boiled.