From buddy Thu Jan 13 11:44:59 1994
Date: Tue, 4 Jan 1994 21:42:50
Subject: Forwarded mail....

I like to live the kind of life where regrets are not impediments, but building
blocks.  Something to learn from.  I thought I would share with you a few
things I've learned in 1993.  

1.  I won't marry Lorena Bobbitt.

2.  I don't like Beavis and Butthead, but they provide a very important lesson:
 Don't play with matches.

3.  Kill any siblings named 'Latoya.'

4.  Jurrassic Park taught me to stand very still and remain calm when looking
down the throat of a large lizard with big teeth.  Especially when in the can.

5.  David Letterman taught me that you can be popular and make 42 million
dollars while insulting yuppies.

6.  When someone says they have an "average" body, it's somewhere between
avacado and plum shaped.

7.  Barney is the Anti-Christ.

8.  Guns don't kill people.  Ammunition does.

9.  Handwriting recognition software is fun at parties.

10. Even Lyle Lovett can get lucky.

11. I hope I can look as good as Lassie when I'm 350 (dog) years old.

12. There are no gays in the military.  At least, they aren't supposed to admit
it.

13. I need to drink more to stave off the effects cigarettes have on my heart.

14. People ask Marilyn the stupidest questions.

15. Henry Winkler is 3 years younger than my dad (though, I'd still date Henry,
if he asked me out.).

16. Al Gore is really kinda cool (in a 'knotty pine' sort of way).  I hope he
runs for president someday.  I'd date him too.

17. My parents are conservatives.  

18. The Internet is a great new way to meet people, exchange ideas and validate
your existence by getting on 50 or 60 mailing lists.

19. Mayor Frank Jordan should be thrown off the GG Bridge with Angela Alioto
tied around his neck.

20. Ross Perot is a ninny.  Well, actually, I already knew that but it was
refreshing to see it on Larry King.

21. Homelessness is a crime.  Actually, I didn't have a clue about that until
Frank Jordan burned the constitution.  Does the matrix program make us a police
state or a state of denial?

22. Matrix used to be the name of a night club.  Apparently you could be
arrested if you asked someone to dance.

23. Howard Stern can write!  However, the crayola was smudged in my copy of his
book.

24. Rush Limbaugh can write!  I must have gone through 4 bottles of motrin
trying to get through his book.

25. Prozac is this generation's equivalent to valium.

26. Marijuana makes me sneeze. I didn't inhale, by the way.  I think.  It's so
hard to remember...well, maybe I did.

27. I don't understand modern art.  A 'Power-Shop-Vac' in a glass box with a
$300,000 price tag confused me.

28. Anne Rice is the Messiah.  Actually, I think it would only be fair for god
to send 'his only begotten son' back as a woman.  Especially a woman who says
"I'm a gay man trapped in a woman's body."

29. Gay men are so sarcastic.

30. And, because I didn't want to end on an odd number : Don't cook over an
open fire while wearing lame`.

It's been sucha busy year!   ;)