From buddy Thu Jan 13 11:37:53 1994
Date: Wed, 22 Dec 1993 10:11:17
Subject: Bernie shwartz - clean

These old Jewish men would meet every Friday night to play poker.
One night Tony Curtis was being interviewed on TV.
The old men begin to insult him. One of the men, Bernie, says "Wait a minute
guys, You have to give Tony a chance. he's a good kid, I know".
"What? , Are you trying to say that you, you Bernie Shwartz know Tony Curtis ?
"Yeah, I know him, He's my nephew twice removed,".
"We just can't believe that Bernie" .
"O.K." says Bernie "Lets bet 25 dollars on it".
They all bet and Bernie calls a number. "Hello, Tony? It's me Bernie . Could
you tell my friends that your my nephew?".  They all talk to Tony Curtis.
They are all impressed by Bernie.

A few weeks pass and their playing poker again and it's Bill Clinton on the TV.
The old men begin to insult him. Bernie says "Wait a minute guys, You have to
give Bill a chance. He's got a lot of problems to deal with, like Hilary for
example,  I know him, he's really a great guy".
"What? , are you trying to say that you, you Bernie Shwartz know the president
of the United States? ".
"Yeah, I know him, We play golf together".
"We don't believe you".
"O.K." says Bernie "lets bet 50 dollars on it".
They all bet and Bernie calls a number  "Hello Bill, this is Bernie, Could you
tell my friends that you know me ?"  They all talk to Bill Clinton. Their again
awed by Bernie.

A month or so later and their playing poker again and it's the Pope on the TV.
The old men begin to insult him. Bernie says "Wait a minute guys, You have to
give the Pope a chance. last time I spoke to him, he said to me  "Bernie people
just don't know how hard my job is".
"Wait , are you trying to say that you, you Bernie Shwartz know the Pope ? ".
"Yeah, I know him, I always stop in when I'm in Rome".
"We just can't believe that you Bernie Shwartz know the pope".
" O.K." says Bernie "Lets bet 100 dollars on it".
They all bet. Bernie says " I can't just call the Pope. This summer when we go
to Italy with our wives, I'll introduce you to him."

Summer arrives and their in Italy.  Their wives go off for a day of shopping.
Bernie say "Look at twelve o'clock, the Pope will bless the crowd from the
balcony of the Vatican.  I have some business to take care of, so I'll meet you
there."
The old men wait for him in the plaza - with thousands of other people waiting
to see the Pope. All off a sudden everyone stands up and looks toward a balcony
with some people on it.  One the men says to a priest who's standing by
"Excuse who is that up there on the balcony?"
The priest answers him " Who?, The guy with Bernie Shwartz?".