From buddy Thu Jan 13 10:55:44 1994
Date: Wed, 17 Nov 1993 13:48:55
Subject: What happens when you die and go to hell?.......

       After a long and difficult life, a particularly bad chap died.  (As
we all must.)  Promptly after his death, the man found himself in the very
depths of Hell, facing a grinning fellow in a bright red leisure suit.  The
man knew that this apparition could be none other than Satan himself.  The
Arch-fiend smiled at the man.  "Things are a trifle different down here
than you may have heard," smiled Old Scratch.  "Here, we allow you to
choose the fashion in which you will spend all eternity!"
        The Devil then led the unfortunate man to three doors and said,
with a winning Bob Eubanks-type smile, "You can spend eternity behind door
#1, door #2 or door #3.  And to show you what a sport I am, I'm even going
to let you look behind each door so you don't have to make a blind choice."
        "That's awfully decent of him," thought the man, and he opened the
first door.  Behind this door was an endless room with a floor of knobbed
iron.  As far as the eye could see, there were people standing on their
heads.  The iron knobs dug into their skulls and the man shuddered as he
heard their pathetic moans of pain.  "Not for me," he said, and slammed the
door.
        The second door proved to be little better; here was a vast room with
more people standing on their heads, this time on a hard wood floor, rife
with splinters.  The man backed away from the cries of pain and slammed this
door as well.
        Finally, with sinking heart, the man opened the third door.   Here
an entirely different sight met his eyes:  In this endless room was a great
number of people standing up to their necks in {ahem} manure! Yes, genuine
fertilizer! And at the same time, these people were all drinking coffee.
The man thought to himself "Well, it's not great, but I guess you'd get used
to the smell, and at least it's not painful, and you do get coffee." So he
turned to the Prince of Darkness and told him this was his choice.  The Devil
smiled some more and pushed the man into the deep manure.
        No sooner had the man started his first cup of coffee, then a strange
chime rang out.  This was immediately followed by a loudly amplified voice:
        "All right, everybody! Coffee break's over.  Back on your heads!"